I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
