her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize