two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
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Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
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Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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