we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
