and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize