And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
