My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
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So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
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We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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