so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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