a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
