Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
