i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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