K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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