You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
