she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
