If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
we should paint friendship bongs
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