i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
