i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
