You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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