my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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