So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
