Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
