Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
