I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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