Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
