Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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