Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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