ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
