if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
