Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
