well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
