Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
