i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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