Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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