Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
