Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
