i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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