If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize