I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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