Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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