Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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