And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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