At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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