I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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