my room smells like sperm. sweet.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
