So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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