Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
