when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
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You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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