She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
