the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
