ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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