Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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