i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
