I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
