no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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