I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
