Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
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Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
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My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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