dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
