You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
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Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
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I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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