i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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