they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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